Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
