im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
