peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
