How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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