What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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