Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
