Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
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I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
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This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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