you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
