All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
