Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
