just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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