I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
