An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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