Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
should my penis look like a turkey
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
