This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
