He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
