i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
