Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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