So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
