Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
