Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
