she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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