Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
