Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
