I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
