I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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