Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
