We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
