the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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