Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
