You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
