I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
