ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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