you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
