It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
