I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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