Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
