We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
