im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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