I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
