Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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