I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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