I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
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Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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