I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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