she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
