He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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