Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
nutella sex= disaster
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
