i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
