I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
