cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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