I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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