I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
