Already got asked if we're dating
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
