yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
