New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
