It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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