if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
