its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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