if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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