Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
