i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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