Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think I died a long time ago.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
