There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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