u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
