Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
