So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
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bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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