what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
did i walk over a car last night?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
