Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
