It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
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She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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