My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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