did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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