She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
