i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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