Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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