I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
