So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
