Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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