So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
