also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
