Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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