I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
