He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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