I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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