I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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