so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
