check it out our google latitudes are spooning
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
