apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
