You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
